Stephen Colbert’s LIVE Monologue Part 2: Hands In The Air


BY THE END OF THE FIRST ROUND OF
QUESTIONING, IT WAS CLEAR WHO WAS TAKING THE LEAD IN THE
MOST IMPORTANT CONTEST IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW: HANNAH B. WAS GOING WITH JED OVER TYLER. EVEN THOUGH JED ONLY CARES ABOUT
PROMOTING HIS MUSIC CAREER! I MAY HAVE BRIEFLY SWITCHED OVER
TO THE BACHELORETTE, MIDDEBATE. ON THE SUBJECT OF HEALTHCARE,
JOHN DELANEY TRIED TO SPEAK TOLY HIS EXPERIENCE ON THE TRAIL.>>I’VE BEEN GOING AROUND RURAL
AMERICA, AND I ASK RURAL HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATORS ONE
QUESTION:CE>>Stephen: “DO YOU KNOW WHO I
AM?” AND THEY WERE IN NO WAY HELPFUL. IN NO WAY HELPFUL. MARIANNE WILLIAMSON IDENTIFIED
THE PROBLEM WITH OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM: PHRASING.>>WE NEED TO REALIZE WE HAVE A
SICKNESS CARE, RATHER THAN A HEALTH CARE SYSTEM.>>Stephen: (AS WILLIAMSON)PF
“WE HAVE A DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING, BUT NOT A DEPARTMENT OF
HOME.RA ( LAUGHTER )
WE HAVE SECRETARY OF EDUCATION, INSTEAD OF A SECRETARY OF
EDUCATING. WE HAVE A DEFENSE DEPARTMENT
INSTEAD OF A DREAMCATCHER I BOUGHT IN SEDONA.” ( LAUGHTER ) CATCH THE MISSILES COMING IN, IT
WILL CATCH THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
AND MAYOR PETE TOOK ISSUE WITH THE REPETITION IN HOW WE DISCUSS
GUN CONTROL.>>THIS IS THE EXACT SAME
CONVERSATION WE’VE BEEN HAVING SINCE– SINCE I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL.>>Stephen: “AND THAT WAS ALMOST
THREE WEEKS AGO. W THIS IS RIDICULOUS! THIS IS RIDICULOUS.”>>Jon: I FEEL WHAT HE’S
SAYING.>>Stephen: MAYOR PETE SHOWED
HIS FAITH IN THE SYSTEM.>>THIS IS A COUNTRY THAT ONCE
CHANGED ITS CONSTITUTION SO YOUS COULDN’T DRINK, AND CHANGED IT
BACK BECAUSE WE CHANGED OUR MINDS ABOUT THAT.>>THANK YOU.HA
>>Stephen: AND TO THAT, LET ME JUST SAY, GOD BLESS THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GOVERNOR JOHN HICKENLOOPER TRIED ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GOVERNOR JOHN HICKENLOOPER TRIED TO ARGUE HIS CENTRIST POINT OF
VIEW, AND HE WASN’T A FAN OF BERNIE’S THEATRICS.>>SO, AGAIN, I THINK IF WE’RE
GOING TO FORCE AMERICANS TO MAKE THESE RADICAL CHANGES, THEY’RE
NOT GOING TO GO ALONG. THROW YOUR HANDS UP.>>ALL RIGHT!AS
( LAUGHTER )>>Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU
DOING! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HICKENLOOPER?! THROWING HIS HANDS UP IN
EXASPERATION IS BERNIE’S SIGNATURE MOVE! (AS BERNIE)
“I THROW MY HANDS IN THE AIR, BECAUSE I PROFOUNDLY CARE!”
( LAUGHTER )IR TIM RYAN– IS THAT HIS NAME, TIM
RYAN. TIM RYAN HAD A WEIRD WAY OF
CONNECTING WITH THE COMMON MAN.>>WE’VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THE
WORKING CLASS ISSUES, THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE A SHOWER AFTER WORK. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: THAT’S A UNIQUE WAY TO REFER TO WORKING CLASS
VOTERS. (AS RYAN)
“I CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO SHOWER AFTER WORK! WHO COME IN AND PEEL OFF THEIR
SWEATY CLOTHES IN THE GARAGE, BECAUSE THEY’RE DIRTY. THEY ARE SO, SO VERY DIRT I. THEN THEY SOAP UP AND MAYBE THE
SOAP SPLASHES OFF THE SIDES OF THE GLASS IN THE SHOWER. AND IT GETS ALL STEAMY AND SOAPY
YOU CAN’T SEE WHAT’S GOING ON IN THERE. THEN SOME OF THE WATER SPLASHES
ON THE GLASS AND ROLLS DOWN, AND THEN, BAM YOU CAN SEE ALL THE
WAY TO CHRISTMAS MORNING– AND YOU CAN TELL THEY’RE INTO
CROSSFIT. I’M SORRY, WHAT WAS THE
QUESTION? WHAT WAS… ( LAUGHTER )
JOHN DELANEY KEPT TALKING ABOUT HOW THE NOMINEE SHOULDN’T
ATTEMPT ANYTHING TOO EXTREME. LIKE, ANYTHING. AND ELIZABETH WARREN HAD A
REBUTTAL FOR THAT.>>I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY ANY ONE GOES TO THE TROUBLE OF
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES JUST TO TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE REALLY CAN’T DO AND SHOULDN’T FIGHT FOR.>>Stephen: BOOM! STAY DOWN, DELANEY! COME ON. STAY DOWN DELANEY.T
YOU’RE BLEEDING OUT IN ONE EYE. ELISABETH EATS LIGHTNING! BUT THE VIBRANT MILLENNIAL,
BERNIE SANDERS, HAD A MESSAGE TO THE YOUTH.>>WE NEED TO BRING MILLIONS OF
YOUNG PEOPLE INTO THE POLITICAL PROCESS IN A WAY THAT WE HAVEIA
NEVER SEEN BY, AMONG OTHER THINGS, MAKING PUBLIC COLLEGES C
AND UNIVERSITIES TUITION FREE MI AND CANCELLING STUDENT DEBT.NT
>>THANK YOU, SENATOR?>>WE WANT A TIKTOK. ( AS BERNIE )
“WE WANT A TIK TOK SNAPCHAT IN EVERY CARDI B. I’M BERNIE SANDERS AND I’M
RUNNING FOR STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT!”
“I WILL COME AT YOU LIKE A SPIRED MONKEY!”
>>Stephen: RYAN KNEW WHAT TO DO ON THE ENVIRONMENT. AND HE HAD THE NAMES TO PROVE
IT.>>AND YOU CAN GO ASK– YOU CAN
GO ASK GABE BROWN AND ALAN WILLIAMS, WHO ACTUALLY MAKE
MONEY OFF OF REGENERATIVE AGRICULTURE.>>Stephen: WAIT A SECOND. ALAN WILLIAMS AND GABE BROWN. WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO WHEN I’VE
ALREADY FORGOTTEN THEIR NAMES. THEN TIM RYAN TOOK A SWIPE AT
ONE OF THE HEAVIED WEIGHTS.>>I DIDN’T SAY WE COULDN’T GET
THERE UNTIL 2040, BERNIE. YOU DON’T HAVE TO YELL. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: I’M NOT YELLING! THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN
I WHISPER! IT’S HOW I SANG MY KIDS
LULLABIES AT NIGHT. TWINKLE, TWINKLE,
LITTLE STAR THE BILLIONAIRE CLASS HAS GONE
TOO FAR. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SO SWEATY. SO SWEATY. I RARELY– I GOTTA SAY, I GOTTA
SAY– ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )EL TESTING YOU, TESTING YOU. THE CNN MODERATORS STUCK TO
THEIR RULE ON CANDIDATES’ ANSWERS: STOP THEM FROM
ANSWERING.>>MORE ABOUT–
>>THANK YOU.>>TO SUPPORTING
ENTREPRENEURSHIP.>>THANK YOU VERY MUCH.>>THANK YOU, SENATOR.>>WE HAVE TO LEAD THE WORLD–
>>THANK YOU, SENATOR SANDERS.>>MARKETS–
>>THANK YOU, SENATOR.>>NO, SO THE QUESTION IS–
>>SENATOR, THANK YOU, PLEASE ABIDE BY THE RULES.NE
>>CONGRESSMAN DELANEY IT’S YOUR TURN. THANK YOU, SENATOR.>>Stephen: YOU CAN IMAGINE
THESE GUYS MONITORING THE LINCOLN-DOUBLE LAS DEBATES. A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF–
THANK YOU, MR. LINCOLN. THANK YOU. I HAVE TO GIVE TIME TO A
FENCEPOST, BY WHICH I MEAN TIM RYAN. NOW MAYOR PETE–
( APPLAUSE ) MAYOR PETE TOOK ISSUE WITH THE
DEMOCRATS’ CLIMATE CHANGE TALKING POINTS.>>WE HAVE ALL PUT OUT.>>Stephen: LOOK. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. THIS IS A FAMILY DEBATE. WE DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHICH ONE
OF YOU HAS PUT OUT. THEN MARIANNE WENT FULL
WILLIAMSON.>>IF YOU THINK ANY OF THIS’T
WONKINESS IS GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS DARK PSYCHIC FORCE OF THE
COLLECTIVIZED HATRED THAT THIS PRESIDENT IS BRINGING UP IN THIS
COUNTRY, THEN I’M AFRAID THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE GOING TO SEE
SOME VERY DARK DAYS.HI YES! DARK PSYCHIC FORCE. THERE SHE GOES, TOSSING HER BASE
SOME OF THAT RED UNICORN MEAT. AND THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT IT IS
TO HELP HARRY POTTER LOCATE THE NINE HORCHUX. AND THEN! AND THEN, THEN CNN ASKED THE
ALL-WHITE GROUP OF CANDIDACY HOW THEY DEAL WITH RACISM.>>GOVERNOR HICKENLOOPER, WHY
ARE YOU THE BEST NOMINEE TO HEAL THE RACIAL DIVIDE IN AMERICA? PLEASE RESPOND.>>Stephen: “LOOK, I KNOW THE
FEELING OF BEING PUT DOWN BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I CAN’T
CONTROL. THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN, MYAL
NAME RHYMES WITH LICKENHOOPER. I KNOW ABUSE. YOU SHOULD SEE HOW POLICE TREAT
ME WHEN THEY READ MY DRIVER’S LICENSE.” SENATOR WARREN TALKED ABOUT HER
PLAN TO NEGOTIATE HER TRADE DEALS.>>WE’RE GOING TO NEGOTIATE OUR
DEALS WITH UNIONS AT THE TABLE, WITH SMALL BUSINESSES AT THE T
TABLE, WITH SMALL FARMERS AT THE TABLE, WITH ENVIRONMENTALISTS AT
THE TABLE, WITH HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVISTS AT THE TABLE.>>Stephen: “AND WE’RE GOINGHE
TO NEED TABLE MANUFACTURERS AT THE TABLE BECAUSE WE’RE GOING TO
NEED THEM TO MAKE MUCH BIGGER TAIBS, TABLES BIG ENOUGH FOR
EVERYONE I’M INVITED TO THE TABLE, TABLE.” ( APPLAUSE )
THEN MAYOR PETE TOOK A SHOT AT THE REPUBLICAN ENABLERS.>>WHEN DAVID DUKE RAN FOR
CONGRESS, RAN FOR GOVERNOR, THE REPUBLICAN PARTY 20 YEARS AGO
RAN AWAY FROM HIM. TODAY, THEY ARE SUPPORTING NAKED
RACISM IN THE WHITE HOUSE.>>Stephen: PLEASE, MAYOR
PETE, IT’S BAD ENOUGH. DON’T MAKE ME IMAGINE DONALD
TRUMP TWEETING IN THE NUDE. ( APPLAUSE )
THEN, THEN… THEN MARIANNE WILLIAMSON BEGAN HER FINAL,
FINAL STATEMENT.>>OUR PROBLEM IS NOT JUST THAT
WE NEED TO DEFEAT DONALD TRUMP. ( AS WILLIAMSON )
“WE HAVE TO DEFEAT THE DARK LORD SAURON. DEFEAT THE LIDLESS EYE. ASH NAZG THRAKATULUK AGH BURZUM-
ISHI KRIMPATUL! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOOOO!>>Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I’M
TALKING ABOUT. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. HICKENLOOPER HICKEN-CLOSED THIS
WAY:>>WHAT A NIGHT. I’VE LOVED IT.>>Stephen: THAT MAKES ONE OF
US. AND NO SOONER HAD THE DEBATE
ENDED WHEN CNN PUT UP A COUNTDOWN CLOCK TO TOMORROW
NIGHT’S DEBATE. THAT’S EITHER THE TIME UNTIL THE
NEXT DEBATE OR HOW LONG TIM RYAN IS GOING TO SPEND FANTASIZING W
ABOUT YOUR AFTER-WORK SHOWER.OW WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.

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100 Responses

  1. pprkt0 says:

    Stephen made it way more nteresting than it was

  2. BunzeeBear says:

    Now I am watching the commentaries for their impersonations of Bernie. Am tired of Trump immitators. Better check SNL.impersonator for Bernie. Bernie's ideas are not radical. The Capitalists got their grimey hands on a Human's Right issue and is charging big money for other to have it. The Capitalist system is corrupted. There are probably $hithole countries that have a better health care system than the U.S. I have not checked but this is more like the way it was in Britain and France during the Middle ages…where the King and the royal families &other rich people got the doctors and the poor people did WITHOUT. The result was a revolution and chopping off of many a royal head….so the government changed in a radical way. Instead of the privileged, now all the people had a chance of "getting some"
    . How is this any different?

  3. elisegoldstein says:

    Marianne was totally right about sickness care! Why would you make a joke of this? That shows how superficial your reading of her comment is… first time I have a problem with your humor on this show.

  4. Paris Sitochi says:

    I like the Bernie impression😂😂

  5. Caesar Santizo says:

    As a 20-something, the Buttigeg jokes seem odd to me. Have you seen his hairline?

  6. chikoglonjo says:

    this show used to be funny

  7. SCOTTIE BLAZE says:

    I hope your Bernie digs are in good fun Stevie-boy. The nation is in severe need of a leader who is honestly truthful and consistent. And also gives a f*ck about the American people. The only choice is Bernie. That is obvious to anybody who actually cares about the future of this nation and the other people in it.

  8. Eric Johnson says:

    Come on Steven, you can do better than that healthcare… You know perfectly well what Ms. Williamson is saying is true. Preventive care is almost non-existent. Michelle Obama made the same point!

  9. Eric Johnson says:

    Now Steven, for someone who’s a big Star Wars fan, you’re perfectly well aware of the concept of the Dark side… and Lawless Donald is a Sith Lord, “dark” is putting it nicely.

  10. Matias Sanchez says:

    HEY Stephen Colbert why does your name a long with Jimmy Fallon appear on PEDOPHILE Jeffrey Epstein plane logs Lolita Express !! please explain.
    TRUMP 2020 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

  11. Agent Fungus says:

    Just got this in my recommendations. Enjoy!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK0HKRzVikk

  12. Roberto Fontiglia says:

    1:52 That is a tall f*cking whisky.

  13. YunaElphabaLovegood says:

    The saddest thing about that shower-line is that Tim Ryan actually tried to steal one of Bernies lines and failed –

    "They [the Democratic Party] need to open the door to people who shower at the end of the day, not just at the beginning of the day." Bernie said it on Bill Maher's show a year ago and I think I heard it in other interviews and speeches.

    Sen. Sanders is the real deal, a real leader – don't trust those corporatist copy-cats who borrow his progressive rhetoric to trick you into voting for them while lining their pockets with lobbyist money!

  14. Ulyssess says:

    Is that
    what it bothers you Colbert? Making colleges free tuition?  They should be certainly only for the poor
    and working class who can’t afford it, but not for your privileged children and
    all those young parasites, children of “good” families who like Kavanaugh, can
    get away with rape.

  15. Ulyssess says:

    Me, loving Colbert to death, I never thought a day will come where I’d have say
    this about his show: pathetic!  No wit, no
    smart improvisation, no meaningful re-interpretation of anything.  I guess we all have bad days, but he’s definitely no longer anyone that can be trusted in sensitive political matters, especially because of the way he’s caricaturizing  a very important event to come yet.

  16. Private Name says:

    Funny they didnt show Bernie calling out the network for running big pharma ads…. doubt anyone that only watches mainstream media will ever see that, and oh, they did run ads….

  17. Eddy van ' Westende says:

    Bernie for president….

  18. Kathy B says:

    Everyone should be singing the Sanders lullaby to their kids!

  19. Kathy B says:

    Donald Trump isn’t the Dark Lord. Maybe Saruman…

  20. A Jo says:

    Williamson: we must deal with the collectivize hatred

    MSM: oh, she is looney

    Also MSM: 2 mass shootings in 2 days, what’s going on?

  21. WestOfEarth says:

    "I will come at you like a spider monkey" – Talladega Nights reference.

  22. Mike Dufour says:

    The Funniest, Brightest Night Show Host in all of Television Today. Stephen is da Man.

  23. Rick Nance says:

    So where was the climate emergency argument? The one where we try to fix things so that the next generations don't suffer more than they have to. They're going to suffer, but it can be less. maybe.

  24. Eileen B says:

    The current administration has been so messed up by Trump that it will take a no b.s. candidate like Bernie to get us back on track. Also, erasing student debt would be kewl. Maybe more people could then afford housing.

  25. Gilly Squeezington says:

    Colbert he's acting like he didn't have Yang on his show .Yang 2020

  26. sisi429 says:

    Mayor Pete!! Love him!

  27. remcat says:

    Twinkle, twinkle little star…. the billionaire class has gone too far.

  28. Yusuf Ashfaq says:

    Colbert is the man!

  29. PJ hits says:

    Anybody but Bernie, even for Colbert; american corporate media is united.

  30. alejandro rios says:

    I dislike Stephens outright mocking of actual good ideas by candidates regardless of popularity, just based on selected words of their speeches

  31. alejandro rios says:

    Idc what party you’re in but if you are speaking about bettering the country you shouldn’t be invalidated completely

  32. xandercorp says:

    None of these candidates have much to offer compared to Yang, sorry to say.

  33. Foxhound says:

    No Tulsi slam dunking Kamala?

  34. Arjuna Menon says:

    The BEST team is unfortunately not running: Jon Stewart (POTUS) Stephen Colbert (VPOTUS)
    As said previously, the administration would include:
    Chief of Staff: Conan O' Brien (he always checks on his own staff, scrutinizing them closely)
    White House Press Secretary: Jimmy Kimmel (the dude knows how to get the sentiments from the ground)
    Secretary of State: Seth Meyers (he always takes a closer look)
    Secretary of Education: Michelle Wolff

    Failing which…

    Liz Warren (POTUS) – Bernie Sanders (VPOTUS)
    Chief of Staff: AOC
    WHPS: AOC
    SoS: AOC
    SoE: AOC

  35. Mo A says:

    Man i have never laughed so hard this week, but Bernie Sanders and his waving arms killed it, the bird at the podium is much better. If Bernie doesn't make it, i hope . Biden would give Bernie Sanders a position in the cabinet as Department of Healthcare.

  36. danieldjz says:

    One of the best performances by this guy.

  37. John Bullock says:

    Colbert was on fire. Great comedy.

  38. Nunya Business says:

    The h in horcrux is silent, Stephen. And, really — poop jokes in elvish is just blasphemous. Humor is no excuse, and you know it.

  39. chelecovers says:

    So I'm all for Bernie and everything but oh daaaamn, Elizabeth Warren with that elbow from the sky, wow. She murdered Delaney.

  40. chelecovers says:

    Bernie Sanders the vibrant millennial lmao

  41. Nico T says:

    @9:07 Need two hoods.

  42. Clothilde says:

    “I WILL COME AT YOU LIKE A SPIDER MONKEY” omfg, crying 😂

  43. KatDang says:

    Amy Klobachar deserved some coverage but of course Marianne Williamson and Delaney are too funny to be ignored.

  44. Hillo Georgie says:

    No one else makes me laugh that much…lol

  45. Maxuras says:

    Of course the Kids like Bernie. It's a generational thing. Baby Boomers are the Evil Generation, who grap all the money and leave nothing for the younger ones. Gen X only sit in their basement and do nothing about it and Millennials are not old enough to run for President yet (except Mayor Pete). Thus the only hope to fix America lies with the last knight of the Silent Generation (who actually is not that silent): Bernie.

  46. roamerw1972 says:

    Donald Trump tweeting in the nude….. puke…

  47. Terry Stokes says:

    I will…

  48. G. P. says:

    "I throw my hands in the air because I profoundly care!" Love it!

  49. G. P. says:

    "I don't understand why anybody goes to all the trouble of running for President of the United States just to talk about what we really can't do and shouldn't fight for." Thanks, EW, that needed to be said! It's been the problem of mealy-mouthed centrist Democrats since the Reagan Revolution. Glad the counter-revolution is happening!

  50. DuZy says:

    Bernie Sanders didn't not come to play!🤣

  51. Shyam S R says:

    this part is one of the best of Colbert's!! very well done.

  52. Frosty Girl says:

    Well look at that. Mayor Pete was right. Fucking #voteblue2020

  53. Shanmugam Mohanam says:

    The US Government has never thought of state owned hospitals? Even India has them and run by the Government with free healthcare to around a Billion people. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healthcare_in_India

  54. jawad mansoor says:

    Barnie is special kid i love him

  55. robin2012ism says:

    Good Bernie and Burgess Meredith impersonations.

  56. Toyin McKinney says:

    Hilarious…..Bernie🤣🤣🤣

  57. Bill Baldwin says:

    In this corner our fake president and in this corner a collection of weirdo….

  58. Marieda Parellio says:

    I knew the day would come when I would have to ask the comment section to translate Stephen’s Elvish into English. He loves LOTR so much it was only a matter of time…

  59. Sebastian Weiß says:

    Come on Stephen, misquoting Tolkien? You're better than that.

  60. Flappy Mynock says:

    LoTR references ftw !

  61. Thahir Ahmed says:

    Why so little about Bernie even he won the debate.

  62. Ben Sasser says:

    I feel like Trrump tweets in the nude with just his MAGA hat on…

  63. Carolyn Neumann says:

    OMG, I laughed so hard at Tim Ryan saying taking a shower after work. So freaking funny! But now I'm headed to Louisville with him to tell Moscow Mitch to Do you damn job!

  64. E MP says:

    Colbert needs to show some god damned respect for Bernie. So tired of the low hits. God forbid we actually enact change. Colbert let it slip lately that he thinks the masses are too dumb to govern. Ironically it is him that is out of touch on his golden pedestal. Don't fly too close to the sun.

  65. Danielle Wilson says:

    Is there a way to view the debate in full via YouTube?

  66. Laurie Bolles says:

    I have watched this sketch over and over and it's still so dame

  67. Chelsea K. says:

    the bachelorette reference was on point 👌 he also referenced it before during the monologue about mueller’s testimony “i will not be discussing matters that are of interest to the public such as Luke P.’s behavior on the bachelorette” 😂😂

    edit: also the Harry Potter reference !!!!!!! PERFECT

  68. DaveBox G says:

    Only Bernie can save this planet. The last sentence was narrated by Sir David Attenborough

  69. TheJimtanker says:

    @9:40, Stephen's nerd cred goes up 100 points.

  70. H. A. McClellan says:

    ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul. Translated into English: One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

    Black Speech – Wikipedia

  71. Scion of Madness says:

    This segment is solid, not plated like everything in Trump Tower, gold.

  72. Cat Monkey says:

    Well I freaking LOVE Bernie.

  73. eric foster says:

    when it comes to understanding cause and effect within complex systems comprised of endless interdependent variables, such as cultural trends, MaryAnne's wonkiness comes closer to the truth than any corporate politician on the stage.

  74. vaphillips says:

    I love Bernie. He says and does what is right. It’s second nature. He’s been singing the same song since the microphone🎤was invented.

  75. Ghost nl says:

    bernie sanders would be a normal politician here in the netherlands , why are u americans so dumb? can u really not see u are being used bij the bigger interests,, every thing is about money money money an a better way to screw people,, mmh great country u have,, thank god im not part of ur mess over there

  76. gaspodewb says:

    Steven – your ageist jokes for Bernie are getting a little old.

  77. Delique Scence says:

    Those scotches get bigger and bigger….

  78. Corrado Campisano says:

    3:11 every blue collar knows the difference is in having to wash your hands before peeing… too…

  79. Bloody517 says:

    Colbert has become very partisan. He ONLY shits on Maryanne Williamson. Why? She may not win but she has good ideas. I don't understand the need to punch down.

  80. What’s Wrong with You, Man? Entertainment says:

    Taking a shower isn't a working class issue; wondering how much hot water I've left after crying for 20 mins is.

  81. Ritin Bhojwani says:

    It's so amazing to be able to laugh out loud whilst watching late night shows again – the hosts can go back to performing truly amazing comedy instead of having to police the white house by drawing everyone's attention to the idiocy of the president.

  82. louise dery says:

    Oh come on be nice to Maryanne 🙂

  83. silversaint says:

    Some might look at Bernie and think, man he's old, but isn't that the point? Let's get him in while we have him

  84. A Kalia says:

    The stuff about working class taking showers at the end of the day is rhetoric that Bernie has also used.

  85. PRed says:

    "Twinkle twinkle little star, the billionaire class has gone too far"!!

  86. Megha Rethinasamy says:

    stephen had so much fun in this monologue I love ittttt ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  87. S1L3NT G4M3R says:

    Hey he could be right… he didn't say "what" millennium… LOL

  88. Lorna Nunez says:

    I am at the point where. I dont want to hear anything from the Democrats that we voted for, about trump because thay are not doin anything about him.. Nancy has he call her. Zip tie her crue hands. Trump zip ties his crue hands. And the red hats running around killing people that are trying to survive. And then they kill them self. Because the cops not killing them. Thay are too white.

  89. Christopher Fritz says:

    Wow, Barsoom reference. Nice.

  90. Martian74 says:

    So Mitch is keeping the economy going great and helping to create more jobs and lower unemployment rates (lowest in history for black and Hispanic workers). Why would people vote against someone that is successful at doing their job and successful in keeping their job? Samantha is building up gullible people’s hopes just like she did in 2016 with her Hillary love fest.

  91. Tamara Liggins says:

    I love you SC! You sounded like Robin Williams just then 🥰

  92. D Eqb says:

    And with this video I hit Unsubscribe.

    Get over your failed coronation rig for Hillary. More and more have had enough of your thinly veiled hate for Bernie as you sprint toward irrelevance, ColeBert.

  93. LifesMystery777 says:

    Jesus Loves You sooo Much! 😀

  94. LifesMystery777 says:

    Jesus Loves You sooo Much! 😀

  95. Matt Holub says:

    I shower after work

  96. kristina niemeyer says:

    You are not a part of the untouchables the mafia Al Capone thank you Kids

  97. yeti lover says:

    This twaddle is not changing america it’s making jokes for profit absolutely NOTHING else.
    It’s vapid repetitive and boring.

    Un sub.

  98. Dean Mason says:

    Colbert, your comedy should bring us together not divide us even more. You are part of the devil's master plan, Divide and conquer. Don't be tricked

  99. Nicole Baker says:

    Showering after work is actually a common way to talk about people who do manual labor.

  100. HaibTshajHaib says:

    I don't really like none of them?

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